I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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