What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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