I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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