I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
