I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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