My liver just broke up with me...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
