PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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