Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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