It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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