hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
