I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
His hands were made for my vagina.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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