What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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