I puked a lego.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
