I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
