did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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