Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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