She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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