I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
