You work out of a Hotel?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
