He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
