Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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