So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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