i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
