My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
