i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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