Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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