YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
