You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
