i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
