she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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