Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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