Umm I'm too high to move.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
