the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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