Soap is not a condiment
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
