we're blogging at a bar
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
