why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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