laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
