he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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