We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
