And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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