Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
