Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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