Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
