He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
