who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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