is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
