On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
