i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
