This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
