All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
