i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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