he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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