when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
