weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
