help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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