How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
