apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
