just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
