Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
