What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
