Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
