dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
