she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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